So yesterday I ate that half pound bean burrito and a soft taco.  A few hours later I ate a salad, two dinner rolls, a steak and french fries.  Also many cokes.  Fast forward to the end of dinner when shit just about hits the fan (literally).

I got a very urgent phone call and it was from NATURE.  I sat there confined in the booth because those two fucktards Brian and Anthony (see comments on entry below) wouldn't get up and leave.  Eventually, out of sheer luck, a group of otaku walked in and one just happened to double as a former BHSS Japanese class-mate of mine and spring semester classmate of Brian's*.  It was then that they finally decided to go, and you won't believe what these assholes did next.  They got in their car and tried to block me from getting out of the parking lot in a quick manner.  Luckily, I'm smarter than the two of them combined. 

I managed to beat them out of the parking lot but I had underestimated them on the roadways.  They eventually edged in front of me at 10th Street--from inside my car I could hear Brian's laughter--and they drove like old women all the way down 10th St.  Sons of BITCHES!!  Again I outsmarted them by taking a detour to my house, thinking they were defeated.  Well, they pulled up seconds after I had and ran to my front door (again, see: Nick is smarter).  I stumbled over a garbage can, several lawn chairs and a soaked piece of rug over to my back door and ran like hell to the bathroom.  Man, let's just say:  2 courtesy flushes.

And 4 encores in the next few hours.

Brian and Anthony, let this be a warning to you two jokers.  If you ever do that again, I'm going to be dropping my pants and all Hell will run wild all over the both of you.  Good day.

 
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*See also: "special friend"

Went to Taco Bell today, ordered the Bean Burrito "Especiale" and a soft taco.  They gave me 7 napkins.  Why so many?  I only would need about 2, maybe 3 on account of the "Especiale" (a half pound of beans and shit).  But seven?  This was easily 3/4 of a centimeter thick.  Think of how much paper is simply given away each day, like it grows on trees or something, from Taco Bells all across America.  I mean, I'm insulted that Taco Bell would hand me so much supply for cleanup--what are you trying to say, Taco Bell?  Ya think I'm a sloppy eater based on our 20 second relationship over the loud-speaker at the drive through?  You can't juuuuudge me!!  Next time I come through there I'm gonna hand the Neanderthal who's working the drive-thru window an economy-sized bottle of handsoap, a roll of industrial all-purpose paper towels, and then spray them silly with a Super Soaker. 

Speaking of paper wasting, I was in the bathroom at work yesterday and had a thought.  Yes, really, I did.  We have a tall trashcan about waist high in there and it is almost always exclusively filled with paper towel waste that people only used for 5 seconds to get water off of their hands.  These paper towels aren't thin pieces of shit either.  They thick.  It kind of ticked me off for a second that so much paper (trees) goes toward getting Americans' hands dry every day.  Since it's designated trash, I'm sure it's not taken away to be recycled either.  Sigh. 

On a somewhat related topic, I was reading that Beijing will be host to the 2008 Olympic Games.  I didn't know this.  Cool.  But the article was saying that soon China will take over America as leading producer of greenhouse gases (oh no!) and in short measure the country hopes to quadruple it's economy while doubling it's coal usage.  At the same time, it stated that there's a rising national intention of becoming a very clean country.  How can all of this happen?  I don't know the ins-and-outs of coal use but it seems like something non-conducive to a healthy environment.  Especially for clean air purposes.  I've also heard of energy shortages for huge cities such as Beijing that sometimes can't handle the demand.  I'm curious to see how coal will be used.  Perhaps I'll create my own Beijing in Sim City and only use coal power plants to power my metropolis.

Now, on an unrelated topic, I also read today that Arnold Schwarzenegger has a 65% approval rating in California!  Whoa.  And 64% of people think he is doing a better job than they expected him to do.  I've heard nothing in the way of how he has handled--or begun to handle--the energy crisis or many-billion dollar state debt (among other things).  Maybe he really is takin thangs over.  I wouldn't be totally surprised though.  His entire life is a success story--from his bodybuilding legend to becoming a top movie star in America to becoming the Governor of California.  Did you know he got his business degree from the University of Wisconsin?  This begs the question, could Arnold Schwarzenegger be the best salesman in America right now? 

I pondered speeding up tonight when I saw blinking red lights.  Don't know why, but I was like "GO!  You can zip underneath the bars that are lowering and you won't get hit by the train!"  Too bad I pussed out and "stopped" like others. 

Dorm Dads

Every morning, I walk past Willkie Dorm when I walk through campus on my way to work. Normally there's nothing notable about anything during this time, but its that magical time of summer again when "pre-frosh" and their parents stay on campus for a couple of days during Freshman Orientation. Quite frankly, it's funny to see them now, at my hardened age of 22, walking around toting the bookstore's bags and trying to look as cool as possible with their parents 1 step behind. I digress.

While the soon-to-be students are staying at other dorms on campus, IU has given Willkie Dorm to the parents. It's weird because during my walks I've always only seen men going in and out of that place. Maybe IU segregated the parents by sex and has a women's dorm. That would be really funny. So anyway, I got to thinking...do the dads form little cliques on their floors and play pranks on each other like they were back in college? I can imagine one of them excitedly announcing to his friends "I scored some beer!!" followed by a round of high-fives. I wonder if they've stacked the lounge couches pyramid-style yet or pulled the fire alarm. I wonder if there's that one weird guy (dad) who showers in his clothes. One has to wonder.

I think this scenario would be great for a show like Family Guy. Too bad Chris is only about 13 years old, right?

PS -- keep checking the comments sections of past entries, i replied to a few of you~~

I'm back. Sort of.

It's been a while since I've had a quality post. At first, I wanted my blog to be strictly mounds and mounds of pretentious BS but I realized after the first week that I didn't have the energy to keep up with that. To fill in the gaps, I had started making filler posts. I'm not particularly fond of this, and my efforts lately haven't been very good (see: animal kicking thread, cheap shot at Bush, etc). I've got a few ideas for better posts, but I just haven't had the energy lately to develop them.

God, I was so embarrassed after the animal kicking thread didn't get the response en masse that I was hoping for. If there is one thing that is instant death to me, it is nobody replying to a post I made on a forum or no replies to my blog entry. Give me e-ttention or give me death!

And I know Anthony is going to make fun of me for that last sentence there. Bring it on, bitch. I'm testy today.


p.s. At Target last night I bought Lost in Translation for $10 (!!!1111) and also some Old Spice. However, this time, there was no Mountain Rush. Pissed, I settled for Aqua Reef, a new scent, and it is O.K. I guess.

Don't lick a Big Red gum wrapper and stick it to your forehead.

IT HURTS.

A LOT.

Transcript of the seconds after I did this:
[2 seconds after] Me: Oh it's not that bad...hmm, can't even feel anything really.
[3 seconds after] Me: Oh FUCK!
[3.5 seconds ] Me: Oh. My. God!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[6 seconds after] Me: (crying)
[10 seconds ] Me: (screaming loudly)


OK. I dare you to do it. And please tell us how it went.